image from ocio.facilisimo.com
By Zoe Eisenberg
Sometimes I hold double standards when it comes to dating. Looking them in the face, acknowledging them and announcing them on the internet makes me feel like a better person. Try it sometime!
Around the corner from me is my favorite dive bar; I like it because they have karaoke on Thursdays, cheap beer, darts all the time and a little porch out front so you can bring your drinks outside. That being said, I would never go home with a guy who hangs out at that bar. Ever. Which, I am aware, is super hypocritical because apparently I am the type of girl who hangs out there. It’s not that I think I am better than them, it’s just that I think we aren’t compatible. I imagine them all bumpin’ chests bro-ishly on their way out of the bar, and waking up early to go back to their job in the finance department of the same really large global infrastructure company located in the center of my city that seems to employ Every.Single.One. Of.Them. I could be wrong! Somewhere in that crowded, dim bar could be the man of my vegan-bunny filled dreams! But I would never know because of my disgusting double-standard.
Speaking of disgusting, the other day I was trolling around on the Casual Encounters section of Craigslist—I was writing about where real-life couples find an extra partner to join them for an evening. Hollywood glamorizes the threesome but to me it seemed like hard work to find a “casual” third that both parties would be interested in, who also wants to get with a couple. Anyway, as I was creepin’, I couldn’t help thinking most of those single young females were actually 45 year old men who want to turn me (and my boyfriend) into furniture. I was probably wrong, but I couldn’t help getting freaked out about the type of people trolling Casual Encounters—even though there I was, doing the same thing! (Even if it was only for uhm, research. I swear!)
This brings me to the third of my double standards—online dating, especially for people in their early to late 20s. First let me say that this isn’t really a double standard because I’ve never actually dated online, but I have tons of awesome, smart, attractive, sane friends—more male than female, actually—who date online on the regular. They’re motivated people, so I should think that everyone else dating online is too. And I try! But…I just don’t. I think they’re lazy.
I am sorry if I offend, and I know that it works for some people—I’ve seen the eHarmony commercials! But as someone who believes so much in things happening for a reason, I can’t help but compare online dating to online shopping—you get to sit back and do it from your pajamas with minimal effort. (And I love online shopping. Goodness I am such a hypocrite.)
But more than slaughtering the notion of real, organic romance, online dating extends the ‘Give It to Me Now’ attitude my generation totes proudly. Is there an app for that? Well apparently, there is. So I tend to think the people my age who spend nights trolling for dates online instead of getting out there and meeting someone in person are selling themselves short. I don’t go so far as to call them desperate, because I have lots of friends who date online who I wouldn’t label desperate, but I just can’t see trying to start a spark with someone based on a flattering photo and an About Me section.
Additionally, I feel like if I were to meet someone online, and we started emailing or messaging back and forth, there would be a good chance I would think there was a connection when in reality there may not be. I could think up witty, charming responses and woo their pants off with my culinary enthusiasm and great taste in art and film (pfft), and then when I (finally!) meet them in person the conversation is as dead as a sober crowd at a bad comedy show. Cricket cricket cricket. What a let-down?! Sure, any terrible date will be a let-down, but if it’s someone I’ve been admiring via the internet for the past 3 weeks, conjuring up images of weekend trips to the Cape, a mid-sized vehicle and a Golden Retriever, then I’m gonna be bummed. SO bummed in fact maybe I will throw back too many raunchy Ketel One martinis and sleep with them anyway, hoping somehow they will be less boring in the morning.
I am not single and so I know my point of view on meeting someone fantastic is sort of skewed—I’ve already got someone fantastic. And I do understand that if you have been at the same job for years, with the same friends for years, going to the same places for years, then meeting someone NEW might be really difficult. I do understand that. But I can’t help thinking that online dating is a quick-fix for those not willing to wait around for oooeygooey real romance. Please feel free to slam me and my one-sided thinking below. I am admitting my problem!? Isn’t that the first step?
The Lusty Vegan is a lifestyle and sex column focusing on living and loving as a twenty-something year old vegan. More rants from Zoe Eisenberg can be found at www.sexytofu.com. Follow her on Twitter @Sexytofublog.
