One thing that always baffles me is how two people can be in the same relationship, and have two completely different experiences. If you’ve ever been friends with a couple—as in you’re that third party they both dish to—you may notice quickly it’s often typical to be on different pages. Or maybe you yourself thought your new relationship was going great, only to be sideswiped with a (seemingly spontaneous) dumping that makes you see not only were you on different pages, but one of you was all Nicholas Sparks while the other was Ray Bradbury . You weren’t even in the same freakin’ genre.
Of course there are the obvious signs, like increased fighting, or that constipated look they get when you bring up any event farther away than the upcoming weekend. Future? What future!? I can’t think past Sunday brunch. Here are a few signs that you’re being primed for a courtesy flush.
1. They are disconnected. Usually you can feel when a rift comes between you, even if you don’t want to admit it. Emotional connection aside, when someone is checking out of a relationship, they are often quite literally checked out when you’re together. They are texting during snuggle time, Tweeting at dinner and playing Words With Friends next to you on the train. Basically, they spend your together- time pretending they are elsewhere.
2. They are apathetic. While they may have met a story about your stressful work day with an open ear and a back massage back when things were all puppies and rainbows, now they seem to take the side of your arrogant boss or sloppy coworker. Or you suspect they aren’t listening at all. “I got a speeding ticket,” is met with the same I’m-not-listening uh-huh as “and then I lit the cop on fire and laughed maniacally.” That’s great, sweetie…..
3. What sex? Remember that thing you used to do together that excluded clothing, and included sounds usually reserved for Skinemax and lots of crazy positions (okay, maybe just two…). Now you find yourself alone in your apartment at 2 am with a glass of wine and Redtube wondering where that boy who used to be camped out between your thighs ran off to…
4. They want more alone time. And by alone, I mean with people that aren’t you. Drinks with coworkers or college friends are still on the table, but they don’t seem to want you around. Also known as “Sorry I can’t come by tonight, I’ve been neglecting my cat. “
5. They push rituals to the wayside. All of a sudden they forgot that Tuesdays are usually the nights you cook a meal together, or they plan a brunch with pals during snuggle Sundays.
So what do you do when your relationship has been doused with a heavy dose of bummersauce? Salvage it if you can, but if they’re really not into you, then don’t waste your precious time. Find someone who is adoring you, not tolerating you.
The Lusty Vegan is a lifestyle and sex column focusing on living and loving as a twenty-something year old vegan. More rants from Zoe Eisenberg can be found at www.sexytofu.com. Follow her on Twitter @Sexytofublog.
