As of now, I have met exactly one single eligible vegan male. He is my awesome bossman here at iEG. (Whaddup, Ayinde?!) Other than that, vegan men seem to be hibernating, or living in a commune somewhere in Idaho, lovingly tending to their organic gardens with no shirts on. Now I’ve got a guy, so I’m not looking to snag a lettuce-munching man myself, but I am trying to look out for all my single vegan female friends who are constantly walking around grumbling Where The Men At like cantankerous fluffy Persian kitties (yoowwlll).
I know statistically speaking there are more vegan women than men, but I would still think that—especially as someone who has at least a few of her toes dipped in the bubbly vegan circuit—I would have come across more datable dudes. At least two or three I could throw at one of my friends. All of the vegan men I have met (and I mean actually met, not just playful banter on Twitter) are either taken or weird. Like “oh, you own a computer? Well computers aren’t vegan. Now let me go harvest my wheatgrass which I have watered with my own tears,” weird. I have written before about what I think is important to have in a partner—compassion, drive, ambition, intelligence, humor, a nice ass and an interest in an independent study that involves hours of uninterrupted cunnilingus. Where all of those vegan dudes hanging out?
So, this Lusty Vegan post was really just to open this topic up to discussion. Vegan men, where the heck are you hiding? Vegan ladies, where did you meet your vegan guy? Did you have to stalk the vegan cookbook section of Barnes and Noble for like six months before you spotted a hunk manhandling an Isa Chandra Moskowitz? Or did you start dating someone and then they went vegan? That happened to me once, sort of.
My ex and I were living together, which meant he ate vegan 90 percent of the time because we cooked all of our meals together. During the last leg of our relationship—before I had a quarter life crisis and moved 9 hours away—I lent him Eating Animals. AFTER we broke up, he was all, “waddup, eat your soy-loving heart out, cause I am a vegetarian now.” Glad he kicked the meat bucket; bummed I spent 3 ½ years singing the gospels of kale to have him convert AFTER we broke up. Le sigh, c’est la vie!
Please share your “How I Found My Vegan” stories, or your “Where the F*ck Are the Vegan Men?” stories, or your “I’m a Vegan Man, Hear Me Roar,” stories. And now, for more Gosling memes.
The Lusty Vegan is a lifestyle and sex column focusing on living and loving as a twenty-something year old vegan. More rants from Zoe Eisenberg can be found at www.sexytofu.com. Follow her on Twitter @Sexytofublog