“No, screw you!”
“I hate you!”
“I hate you, too!”
(sound of pants hitting floor)
Sound familiar? Sometimes, nothing is more exhilarating than a really intense angry-sex session. You know, the kind where you go from screaming at each other to tearing clothes off faster than you can say “teeth marks.” That hair-pulling, bottom-lip biting type of animalistic intensity is a terrific way to let off steam while at the same time, reconnecting. But is it healthy?
I think it can be, but it depends on the fight. I’ve always loved a good argument, from playful banter to serious heated debates. I also find a passionate man extremely attractive, even if he is passionately screaming at me…it’s a bit of a problem. However, I have learned over time that the type of argument you’re having weighs heavy on if make up sex is a healthy form of closure. If it’s a small problem that got blown out of proportion, sexing it out can be an excellent release, especially if you’ve already spent a bit of time screaming…er…talking about the problem. Did you get offended by something your partner said? Pissed they were late AGAIN for dinner? In that situation, then having make-up sex is a great way to slam the case closed.
However, if it’s larger issue, you may be using sex as an escape. In a past relationship, my partner and I had frequent blowouts about trust issues that always led to really carnal sex. It was awesome, adrenaline driven and completely addicting. Unfortunately, it was just a temporary escape—a soggy bandaid we were slapping on a gaping wound. We didn’t know how to put closure on our issue—an issue that eventually ended the relationship for good—and so we would fight until the point of exhaustion and then bone each other’s brains out, reveling in our false sense of intimacy and our serotonin rush. We ended up associating sex with fighting, and one always led to the other, and the relationship was terrifyingly destructive—but good, destructive fun. This type of “make-up” sex is not healthy, because it really is not making up, just creating a temporary distraction.
I do, however, think make-up sex is ALWAYS appropriate a while after the fight is over, and you’ve had a chance to cool down. It should not be used in place of an apology, but is a great way to make sure their aren’t any hard (heheheheh) feelings left. If you had a fight before bed, sleep it off and wake up early for a morning romp that will make way for a better day. (Who could still be mad at you if you wake them up with some early morning felating? No one, that’s who.)
The next time you’re tempted to end an argument by removing your panties (or boxer briefs!) stop yourself and say, “…should you be apologizing with your big girl words, or your lady boner?” Use your best judgement.
What do you think? Is make-up sex healthy? Not healthy? Have you ever started a fight just for the post-brawl orgasm?
The Lusty Vegan is a lifestyle and sex column focusing on living and loving as a twenty-something year old vegan. More rants from Zoe Eisenberg can be found at www.sexytofu.com. Follow her on Twitter @Sexytofublog