I suppose I have never lost my inner child, because I still get excited when I get a new toy—and I’m not talking Transformers action figures. Since I write about sex and review sex toys, I suppose it isn’t all that surprising I feel like a kid on Christmas when a box arrives at my door containing a new product to review. I will never forget my room-mates exclamation: “Is that a FIVE POUND box of lube?”
But for those who don’t like to write about their masturbation habits on the Internet, I know sex toys can be a bit of a taboo topic. This is partially why I like reviewing them—to invite people to buy them and hopefully explore a different side of their sexuality. But for most, a sex toy—if owned at all—is something given as a gag gift and then hidden in a nightside table and taken out occasionally, or when the kids are asleep, the boyfriend is at work, etc. Why do I say “when the boyfriend is at work?” Well, the majority of toy owners are women, and the majority of men (but not all!) are a bit intimidated by a battery powered pleasure bot. They view them as a rival, when they should be viewing them as an aid. Men, if your girlfriend’s vibe could talk, it would say “I got your back, bro. Let’s get on this, Bang Bus style. Hive five! Bzzzz.”
Since I review toys, and also just because I like them, I have often brought a toy to bed with a buddy, and can tell you that the reactions have been mixed. A partner from Christmas past liked watching me use toys, but wasn’t all that interested in being involved until my fun was done. Bah, humbug!
Another, my most dedicated test subject, used a vibrating ring that I needed to review. His reaction? “I feel like Optimus Prime C*ck.” He hated it. The vibes made him feel less man, more machine. That same partner, while encouraging me to use toys when he wasn’t around, admitted half jokingly (which of course means, half serious) that he was in awe of my Hitachi’s (oh, heavenly Hitachi) aptitude. The power tool gets me there in record time, every time, while he had to work for it. I assured him that obviously I would prefer a living breathing human—one that can snuggle me after, and you know, has a pulse—over a toy. The fact that he has to work to get me off makes the whole scenario more appealing. Proof that I prefer my man over a toy? Often when I’m alone with a toy, I am fantasizing about my guy. I am never with my partner fantasizing about my toy.
While I can see why a guy may feel challenged if his lady always preferred a mechanical Ménage à trois, I do think that bringing a toy into the bedroom occasionally can enhance the experience for everyone. It’s creative and different, which is stimulating on its own. Plus, as stated above, the toy nails it every time. This takes pressure and stress off of the man’s performance (did she come yet? Now? How about now?) and can allow everyone to enjoy themselves.
Still, some men are extremely intimidated by bringing machines to bed. Buzzzzkill. I know my guy may be biased, so I asked a sexually open friend his opinion.
“Sex toys are fun! I’m all for that. I enjoy using them in bed, and have definitely bought a few from my friend… for both me and my girlfriend at the time. I tend to be a bit more adventurous, and more aim-to-please than most, so maybe your average guy won’t be up for bringing toys into bed. But I think it’s a great idea. Toys are “toys” because they’re fun, right? What can be bad about more fun in bed?”
Spot-on. Toys are meant to be fun, and supplemental. Okay, now I want to know your opinions. Ladies, how have your guys reacted to toys in bed? Men? Do you like using a toy on your partner? Tell me your experiences, people!
The Lusty Vegan is a lifestyle and sex column focusing on living and loving as a twenty-something year old vegan. More rants from Zoe Eisenberg can be found at www.sexytofu.com. Follow her on Twitter @Sexytofublog