Sexual Prime! It sounds like some weird sexier version of Law and Order SVU. Huff Post let loose an article this week responding to a new survey that showed women hit their “sexual prime” at 28—which is younger than I had thought. I had always been under a wonky impression that women hit their prime in their late 30s, while men hit their prime in their early 20s, which is why cougaring was a major life goal of mine…Pfft, way to mislead me, Samantha from Sex in the City. You bitch.
It’s important to note that this survey, put out by the sex toy company LoveHoney, was not scientific–but it did poll over 1,200 people.
After reading the results of the survey (which actually said nothing about 28, instead saying 30 is the right number—WTF, Huff Po!) what I really honed in on was the fact that when people stated they are having the BEST sex did not coincide with when they are having the MOST sex.
This makes me wonder what the heck a sexual “prime” is anyway? Is it a peak in your hormones that makes you want it all.the.time? Or is it when you’re most in tune with your body, with what you want sexually, and with the wants and needs of your partner—all of which, in my opinion, lead to the “best” sex.
When you’re in a new relationship, your fresh desire for your partner is rampant—but that doesn’t necessarily mean you will have the best sex. Couples who have been together for a long period of time often have less sex, but their sex may be better, because they know what each other wants and likes, and feel more comfortable expressing their needs than they did when things were new.
To me, the “most” sex definitely doesn’t coincide with the “best” sex. I didn’t have my first orgasm until 20 (TMI?) despite the fact that I had been in a handful of bunnyhumpin’ relationships in early college. Many women are preorgasmic for the first handful of years they are sexually active, because they aren’t in tune with their bodies and aren’t comfortable asking for what they want, or giving to to themselves. To themselves? Quick fun fact: Most men and women have their first orgasm through masturbation. And according to the Kinsey Institute, less than 30% of women have regular orgasms during sex with a partner, while 75% of men do. AND 10-15% of women just don’t orgasm, period. Yikes!
I appreciated that the Huff Po piece discussed how when people hit their peak is going to be different based on the person—everyone has different hormones, and even then, hormones don’t exactly equate peak sexual desire. What if your hormones are peak, but physically you aren’t doing too well. Different things, like medications,illness, diet (cough…GO VEGAN), physical fitness and weight can all affect your sexual desire and your ability for a peak performance. I’ve been on several medications–birth control, and antidepressants–throughout my life that seriously stunted my sex drive. In fact, it was one of the largest reasons I nixed them.
And what about experience? Does experience have anything to do with your sexual prime? Is it the whole “practice makes perfect” concept? Will you want it more, or enjoy it more, after you’ve gotten a few more squeaks out of your mattress?
Last week in our Lusty Vegan Facebook group, we were talking about virginity and a group member said he lost his at 16, to his 17 year old girlfriend who was “experienced.” I loved this because at 17 I also felt “experienced” but looking back I see I was not at all—because experience is relative, right? So can your “sexual peak” be relative, too?
The survey also noted that on average, people have their “best sex” 13 years after losing their virginity. So while I think I have some pretty steamy sex right now, I still have something to look forward to! Woo!
So what do you think? What is a sexual “prime?” Is it when you want sex most, or when your sex is the best? Does it differ from person to person? I wanna know!
The Lusty Vegan is a lifestyle and sex column focusing on living and loving as a twenty-something year old vegan. More rants from Zoe Eisenberg can be found at www.sexytofu.com. Follow her on Twitter @Sexytofublog