Trojan made news this week with plans to give away thousands of vibrators on the streets of New York. How did they plan on handing out these crowd pleasers? In typical New York fashion–out of hot dog carts! These “Pleasure Carts” were meant to starting doling out vibes on Wednesday, and New Yorkers were already lined up when the carts were shut down by the Bloomberg administration due to “permit issues.” Womp womp womp. But no worries, because they were up and running yesterday, after paying permit fees, and handed out toys to New Yorkers, male and female of all ages. And where were they creating this buzz? In the Meatpacking District, obviously.
Trojan’s aim, according to their VP of Marketing, is to make the vibrator mainstream. They want to make it a popular toy for partners. While I do hope more couples begin bonding over their favorite toys, vibrators will most likely continue to be more popular as a tool for ladies to get off on their own.
So while I am stoked that vibrators are going mainstream, I’d love it if masturbation in general went mainstream. If it’s kosher for people to take several smoke breaks a day at work, why can’t we take masturbation breaks? No one ever got lung cancer from flicking their own switch.
I know a sickening amount of women who say that they “don’t masturbate.” Some think it’s weird or gross or shameful. I’m not sure whether they just don’t like to talk about it, or they really have no urge to get home after a rough day and set up a self stimulation station with a glass of pinot noir, some candles and Redtube. Okay, nix the candles and wine—no need to romance yourself first.
If everyone masturbated regularly, they would be in a better mood. Don’t you ever get the urge to scream “just rub one out already!” at the office bitch when she’s snarking at you? No? Just me?
If everyone was getting off, there would be less stress. There would be less sexual frustration. There would be less anxiety. All of these things are reduced by orgasms, and while it would be cool if we were all having group orgasms on the reg, when that can’t happen, a solo session will do the trick.
Orgasms have also been thought to help ease depression and, especially in men, they can help you sleep better. Plus, what woman doesn’t want that JBF glow? You can only get it when you’re post-O or pregnant, and for me personally, an orgasm is a much better life decision than a baby.
Another reason I think everyone should masturbate—women especially—is because it helps you get to know your own body. How can you tell your partner what you like if you don’t even know yourself. Most women—75 %–can’t orgasm from penetrative sex alone, and so it’s important for them to know what can get them off.
Often, exploring by yourself is the best way to go about this. It is very easy to get your own bathroom in the middle of night with the lights off. Try going over to your neighbors at 3 am and doing the same. Not so easy. Plus they might call the cops. What am I talking about?! When you’ve done something time and time again, it gets much easier.
This “practice makes perfect” idea is even more prevalent with female orgasms, because they are extremely mental. They often have layers of anxiety; Do I take too long? Does my face look funny? Is he bored? Oh god his eyes are closed who is he thinking about?! Having frequent Os on your own can help you get there easier when you’re having a playdate.
A large percent of women say they had their first orgasm while strumming their strings on a solo tour. So if you’re a lady and have never had an orgasm, there is nothing wrong with you. All of our bodies are different and it takes different things to get there. But if you don’t masturbate, it’s going to be much harder for you.
Okay everyone, men and women of all ages, please masturbate. See how politely I asked? Is that awkward? I don’t really care! I mean this in the best possible way: Go f*ck yourself.
The Lusty Vegan is a lifestyle and sex column focusing on living and loving as a twenty-something year old vegan. More rants from Zoe Eisenberg can be found at www.sexytofu.com. Follow her on Twitter @Sexytofublog