Trending: Kimye is Baby Bound! (And Why We Should Care)

This is gonna be one blinged out baby...

So as a little new year’s pregame, Kimye announced they are expecting a mini mogul! For those of us who don’t speak celebrity nicknames, this means Kim Kardashian is having Kanye West’s baby.

Many of us are like, who the eff cares? It’s 2013! I have to focus on more important things, like the fiscal cliff and the 859 resolutions I just made (More kale! More sleep! More sex!). But our society loves celebrities almost as much as we love babies (and talking about who got fat when they’re pregnant), so let’s just nibble on this little bit of gossip for a hot second before we dust off our running shoes and hit the gym.

While more important love nuggets will be born in 2013 (like, a royal one…) Kimye’s baby will for sure be making headlines for the next 6 months, so we better get used to it. Personally, neither K-Dash or Kanye are my favorite people.Kanye has again and again proved he is sort of (a really big) dick. Not just with his memorable T Swift moment--I love Beyonce, but dude was still rude—but also with his more recent anti-Grammy rant. I mean, really Kanye? You’re nominated for SIX 2013 Grammys, but because they aren’t the categories you want, you’re gonna bash em? Talk about entitlement…

Personality traits aside, you gotta admit, K and K are good at what they do. Kanye is a talented artist, and Kim (or her PR rep) is a branding genius. She made more off her wedding than I will in my entire life. So you can hate on her all you want, but she is business savvy, and I am sure that somehow they will manage to make millions off their offspring. Rumors are stirring that the power couple have already scheduled some pre-baby E! airtime. Maybe, in Kardashian fashion, they will sell the birth footage? Maybe Kim will be chewing gum throughout?

While I am not a Kimye fan, the only reason I think this is a notable event is because our culture is OBSESSED with celebabies, and I am liking the fact that this pair is not married. (Kim is still legally married to Kris Humphries.) Many celeb couples have babies without getting married, but Kimye has been positively devouring the limelight as of recent, so they are front and center. I am not sure if the baby was planned or an Oopsie babe, but they haven’t been dating all that long, and I like they aren’t rushing into a marriage just because a baby is on the way. I also like the idea that maybe they just aren’t going to get married. Like, ever. (See what I did there? Take that, KANYE! Team Swift!)

I am a fan of alternative parenting styles, and marriage is most certainly not for everyone. Also, because I find it obnoxious that we still don’t all have the luxury of being able to marry, I like it when public figures hold out. Even though I doubt Kimye’s lack of nuptials has anything to do with gay rights, a girl can dream.

Growing up, I had a friend whose parents were never married, but forever dating each other. They never even lived together. But they were always a loving couple, and raised their three, well-adjusted children together. So I kind of dig couples that decide to have a baby before walking down the aisle. Who says one has to come before the other? Or ever?

Okay, now let’s all guess at what they are going to name their babe. You KNOW it’s gonna be a K name. They should probably name it “Kay,” or just “K,” to be super cool. Er, sorry, I meant Kool. Maybe they are gonna go with Kash, since it’s gonna be one rich baby by the time it’s born. Kolo? YOLO with a K? If I were them, maybe I would name it Karezza, cause it sounds bad ass and is also a style of sex you have when you’re trying not to orgasm. (I once had a teacher say if he had a daughter he would name her Chlamydia to keep the boys away.) Or maybe Kenodoxia, which means vain glory, or empty pride.

Everyone, guess what they are gonna name their baby! Or not, because you have way better things to do, like start up a new Bikram yoga practice or learn how to speak a new language or cut back on your margarita consumption. Let’s all talk about our 2013 resolutions instead!

About Zoe Eisenberg

Zoe Eisenberg is a writer, editor, and published author.
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