Best of The Lusty Vegan: 3 Ways to Talk About Sex When You’re Having Problems Talking About Sex

Before holiday time, iEG staffers like to recycle some of our favorite pieces from the year in a “best of” celebration. Enjoy!

Well this talk seems to be going well...

Communication is important in your relationship, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy. Sometimes—most times—the stuff we really need to talk about are the hardest topics to approach. This is especially true for intimate issues, where egos, feelings, and future sex sessions are on the line.

Maybe your guy is a too rough with your goods or drums on your ladybits like he’s tapping out morse code. Or maybe your girl isn’t as active as you want her to be, and just lays there underneath you like she’d rather be watching Game of Thrones.  You really want to bring it up, but aren’t sure how.

Sure, it would be great if everyone was awesome at being direct AND gentle. (This is not the time to be bossy, my fellow Type A’s. No one bosses their way to better blow jobs. No one I know, at least…) But even if you approach the topic the right way, there is no guarantee your partner isn’t going to get self-conscious or embarrassed or, in worst cases, angry. So if you’re working on your communication skills, but still want to get your point across in the interim, follow these tips.

Use the dream routine. I don’t condone lying, but this is a good way to bring up what you want if you’re having trouble being direct about it. Tell your partner that last night you had a dream that they were <insert sexual request here> and it was way hot. Go as in-depth as you like. This is a safe zone, as it was just a dream, after all! You can’t control your dreams…

Talk about someone else. No, not like your ex. Use the gossip factor to crab-walk your way into the real discussion. “Jimmy was telling me that Jessica really likes to <watch porn/play stinky pinky/use acro yoga as foreplay>, is that something you would be interested in trying?” By saying your friends are doing it, you’re normalizing the act a bit, which helps if your request may be something new. It also kicks the “fear of missing out” factor on high, which is some sort of disease my generation seems to be suffering from. (“YOLO!”)

Show, don’t tell. It’s never a good idea to criticize someone’s sexual repertoire during the actual act, but it is a good idea to play up what you are enjoying. Wish your guy would provide more stimulation when you’re on top? Want your girl to get on top, period? Put their hands (or other body parts) where you want them and then put on a dramatic show. Show them how much you’re enjoying that, and they should be able to remember it next time, no talking—or further dramatics–needed.

Tell me how you bring up sex with your partner! Please?

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