Best of the Lusty Vegan: Stop Trying to Change Your Omni Partner

Before holiday time, iEG staffers like to recycle some of our favorite pieces from the year in a “best of” celebration. Enjoy!

Recently, I sat on a bench with my darling omni boyfriend enjoying frozen yogurt (and frozen soy-yogurt for me). I was being silly and rambling on, per usual, about our looming cohabitation date. I said something along the lines of “when we move in together, I will be cooking, and so you will be eating vegan, and then you will feel so great you will want to go vegan, and then we can truly be soul mates.”

This was said in the jocular, babbling tone I take on when playing pretend. Similar statements have included “And then I will buy a barn, and go to the shelter, all of the shelters, and rescue the puppies, all of the puppies, and they will live in the barn. The end.”

Or my orgasms for breakfast regiment. It sounds great in theory but not so much in reality.

When it comes to vegans in search of romance, I am not of a “vegan-sexual” party. I am also not of the “veduction” party. You know: hook an omni, seduce them, demand they eat your seitan sammy, and BAM they are vegan. I am not for making people change when they don’t want to.

Say it with me: I can never change the person I am with. I should not expect my partner to change because I want them to. The only person I can change is myself.

Circling back to soul mates; I don’t even actually believe in soul mates in the one-for-one sense. However, I do believe in finding others with spirits and energies that mirror and match your own. This applies just as much in your friendships as it does in your romantic connections. And it is with this idea that I do harbor hope of having a vegan partner one day.

What I mean is that if someone truly matches your own sense of being, and your sense of being is compassionate through-and-through, then there is a better chance of them making an independent decision to live cruelty-free than if you lecture them for hours on end or make them watch Earthlings for the fourth time.

You can’t bully someone into thinking your way is the right way. And why would you want to? So you can have some vegan arm candy? They will probably only resent you.

Instead of focusing on finding a vegan partner (who could easily be wrong for you in many other ways), or changing the partner you’re with, focus on finding the person who is right for you in as many facets as possible. If their level of compassion truly reflects your own, then they may be curious about your lifestyle, excited to learn, and eager to adapt. But they have to want it themselves.

Maybe they will make the change. Maybe they won’t. Hopefully they will support and respect you regardless. And if they don’t end up embracing veganism on their own terms, well then you have a decision to make. You can show them another path, but you can’t force them to (happily) walk down it.

Last night I had dinner with my lovely friend Hannah (She is so inspiring! Check out one of her cookbooks or her award-winning blog!), and we stumbled onto this topic. Ever the well spoken one, she managed to boil down my entire ramble into two short, succinct sentences: “People can change. You can’t change them, but they can change.” Chew on that for a little.

Want more from Zoe?  Follow her on Twitter and  Instagram, and don’t forget to check out her book, The Lusty Vegan.

About Zoe Eisenberg

Zoe Eisenberg is a writer, editor, and published author.
This entry was posted in the Lusty vegan and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to Best of the Lusty Vegan: Stop Trying to Change Your Omni Partner

  1. Amarie says:

    I JUST wrote a snippit on my FB page last night of something VERY similar to this! I am so glad you wrote this it makes me feel so much better! I am surrounded by Vegan companies and people that, while I LOVE that they are cruelty-free and changing things, they tend to be a bit on the zealoty pushy side. It honestly just drives people away. There’s no need to be nasty or forceful. People see the changes in YOUR health and your positive light shining and they want some of it too! They come to you, like you’re a magnet. Then, you teach them the ways of the almighty vegan/vegetarianism 😉 My Husband is an OMNI too 😀 I did something VERY similar to this scenario right before we were married. I DO cook Vegan dishes and he eats them but I try hard to respect his wishes and wants to live his life HIS way. He is VERY loving and compassionate about animals(he’s literally outside petting a stray cat and giving it treats right now). That’s more than I could ask for. He also tries hard to buy Organic meats and sustainably farmed items. I have accepted this as a better option to the slam packed factory farms and it’s supporting local organic farms and small business. As much as I would love him to be Vegan, driving it home everyday that I am the one who is “right” will only make him possibly love me less. And, well, we just can’t have that 😉 Thank you for this article <3

    PS read a great article once about a very different viewpoint I never thought of. The woman writing was a Vegan and she stated that her Husband "allowed" her to switch to Veganism without begrudging her or trying to change her back. A lot of Vegan women are so quick to jump and say they ALLOW their Husband to eat meat etc. But honestly, they are their own person and will do as they wish. They will sneak burgers before they get home if you push. Trust and believe. I found comfort in her words. It was such a great way to look at it. I was like "wow!" lightbulb! Instead of me ALLOWING my Husband to eat meat, he is accepting me changing. This isn't the person he married. Quite interesting I must say ;D

  2. I’m going to be in France in late August, and was wondering if anyone might know of vegan wineries that one can tour or do tastings at. Any french wine drinking info would be useful – My partner has only become vegan in the past 12 months, and was a bit into the fancy wine stuff before that, so I know they would feel at least a little bit dissapointed if we went to paris and they didn’t get to drink some french wine (I’m guessing fresh french vegan cheese will be a bit harder to acquire). Thanks!

  3. saniel says:

    I have been with my husband 7 years + 3yr dating, in all those years I have tried to get him to change his diet. With me Being a vegan he has eaten tofu and other soy sub but was introduced to new vegetables he had never had. He has slowed down on the meat consumption ( pig and red meat). Then he read a book about eating for your blood type and of course it called for red meat and lots of it. So you know I loved the smells coming from the kitchen :(! He recently went to the holistic doctor I worked for and was told to switch to a vegan, raw food lifestyle. It has apparently stuck because he longer eats any meat products. I had to realize I can’t force him to change he has to want it for himself and make the change on his own. Thanks

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *